Fed up with the Autobots and writers who refuse to give him any personality other than 'cranky', Ratchet joins the Skullcons.

"I am so pretty. I am the prettiest Kanjibot in all the galaxy. Don't I look like a butterfly with my pretty, pretty wings?" Oh, dear Primus, his right leg. If you can't see what's wrong with it, there's just no hope for you as an art critic.

It shouldn't have ended like this ...

Her name was Big Crusher, and no one who saw her for the first time doubted it. She was an enormous digger-femme, strong as a mountain ... and about as smart as a bag of rocks.

But she was shy and kind, afraid of her own strength around the ordinary-scaled Kanjibots. Despite her size, she hadn't joined on as a warrior - Big Crusher dealt mostly with rescue operations and simple construction if someone had the patience to explain her job to her. She was a simple earth-mover, a worker, and she did her tasks as carefully and thoroughly as her scale allowed.

Rider hadn't noticed her at first - Big Crusher was almost too large to be easily seen, quiet and slow. She was more like a wall or a piece of furniture - present, but overlooked. It was some of the other Kanjibots who drew his attention to her: "Big Crusher's got a crush on you, ha! Better be careful or you'll get squished!"

Rider ignored them at first - bunch of dumb rookies, they were always teasing everyone - but it did cause him to notice Big Crusher for the first time, and to become aware of her attentions to him. It was true; if he was in the room, she would be watching him unless someone was talking to her, and people didn't talk to Big Crusher often. Nobody talked to walls.

So Rider started talking to her. He worried that the difference in their intelligence levels would be a problem, that he would find it a chore to socialise with the digger, and found that it didn't matter. They had few subjects to converse on - they both loved the strange, organic world they were stationed on, for one - but they were happy just to be together, to share the sight of a sunset or feel the drumming of rain in companionable silence.

The Skullcons had been quiet for weeks. How were the Kanjibots to know that their enemies had been creating a weapon that caused earthquakes? And who could predict that they would decide to test it on two wandering Kanjibots who were simply out admiring the planet they loved? She was a civilian; just a civilian! I was the warrior - if anyone should have died in battle, it should have been me.

He had radioed for help, but it had been far, far too late. There was a battle and the Skullcons were driven off, their weapon destroyed ... but Big Crusher had already fallen.

Now Rider stood at the edge of the chasm, refusing to move. The other Kanjibots had gone, feeling that he needed some time alone. As if I don't have the rest of my life to be alone ...

( What, like an Insecticon can't bang out a fanfic if he wants to? )

Bonus feature: Our friend Koi Lungfish coloured this picture. We've never seen a colouring book picture done up in Photoshop before, and we thought it was cool. Click to enlarge:

Empress Lilandra of the Shi'ar joins the Skullcons.

Voltron? What is a 'Voltron'? We Robots In Action know nothing of this 'Voltron' of which you speak.

On to Page Three