Hasbro? Who are Hasbro? How are we supposed to run a parody if you don't post new questions?

By answering questions sent through the Insecticons, it seems ...

Q: I just got "you" for Christmas. Any tips on how I should manipulate "you" and Safeguard for that matter?
A: Surround us with open-minded supermodels. Safeguard prefers Micromasters to Minicons.

Q: How powerful is your Action Field?
A: In theory, it's as powerful as whatever my enemies throw at me. I hear it's supposed to reflect back attacks. I wouldn't know, because useful as it sounds, I never seem to use it.

Q: Now that there are Star Wars TFs, is it fair to compare the two universes? Such as your Jedi deflection skills with your sword in Episode 30 or Master Megatron's Sith Lord-like Force Lightning?
A: Oh, Primus, why not? We're already running at least thirty continuities already and we are a long-lived, spacefaring species - being around long, long ago in a galaxy far, far away isn't a big stretch. However, doing stats comparisons could be tricky. You might be able to compare Force-like powers with the regular cast, but any physical statistics can only be compared with their vehicles.

Q: What is your wish for the new year?
A: That Hasbro update their questions page more often. Without the usual lot of, "how old are you?" and, "are you really, really, really the Guardian of Time?" nonsense, people send me stuff like this:

Q: HEY OLD COOT!
MY PARTNER WANTS SOME SPACE, BUT I CAN'T LET HIM GO! HE TURNS INTO MY HEAD! WHAT DO I DO?
- SIREN
A: I bet he would enjoy your company more if you laid off the capslock.

Q: Dear Vector Prime,
Can you set me up on a date with Override?
- hugs and kisses, Arcee
A: ...

This is a put-on, isn't it? Both fortunately and unfortunately, Override seems to be exclusively interested in males. In both of her incarnations.

Q: To Vector Prime,
Why am I constantly being passed over for reissue? I'm a ruthless Decepticon warlord with a sense of honour, a certified mental health problem, Matrix affinity and great power! I'm certified fangirl-bait! I went on a Matrix-powered rampage! I'm the only Decepticon to ever be elected High Commander! I've taken on Unicron! I've taken on Optimus Prime! I've beaten Grimlock into the floor! Why am I still ignored? Why? Where did it all go wrong?
- Thunderwing, c/o 'Lazy Wings' Rest Home
A: Your problem is that you only appeared in the comics. Between the fact that the comics are difficult to come by if you haven't got shady friends with the entire series on disc and the rabid 'if it's not the G1 cartoon, it automatically sucks!' crowd, only a fairly small percentage of the fandom even knows you exist. Besides, do you really want fangirls? Mostly all they do is write bad fanfiction about you.

As to the reissue question, there is still hope for you. The name still belongs to Hasbro, as it was last used on a Minicon in 2004. If you wish to find indignity in that, remember that if your name was not used, it could have been bought by another company and be put on something much less dignified. Such as underwear. Poor Elita ...

Q: To Vector Prime,
Are we related?
- Vector Sigma
A: Certainly not. This is just another case of similar names - I am no more related to you than I am to Optimus Prime. You are a glowing orange disco ball, while I have a red disco ball in my stomach ... no, wait ...

Q: Vector Prime,
Please stop making remarks about me in a bikini, or I'll send Nitro Convoy over. In a bikini.
- Override
A: And I will be waiting. With a camera.

Q: Dear Vector Prime,
You are attempting to pass yourself off as a wise and mystical elder Autobot with great knowledge of the past, the mysteries of Cybertron, and the great powers that define the universe. Please stop. That's my job.
- Alpha Trion, c/o Vector Sigma
A: I am on a first-name basis with assorted great powers that define the universe, I have seniority, and I have a magic eight-ball. I will do as I please.

Q: Old Man,
If you can pull Minicons out of your side, does this mean Minicons can be disposed of by pushing them back into you? If so, I believe we can come to some sort of an agreement about Starscream's horde.
- Dreadmoon
A: It doesn't quite work like that. The Minicons that follow Starscream around are originally from Unicron. You are welcome to try to stuff them back into him.

Q: Obsolete Autobot Fool,
Why is your Minicon is allowed to turn into a weapon when I'm not?
- Megatron, G1
A: If you were a fanboy, I would tell you to take your fingers out of your ears and shout, "North American safety standards - Megatron looks like a real gun and Safeguard looks like a tiny jet," at you. But you aren't, so I cannot.

Q: Dear Vector Prime,
Please can you do something about our knees? They do not bend.
- Armada Megatron, G2 Megatron, Universe Bludgeon, Reverse Convoy & Tidal Wave
A: Not my problem. However, there are at least four different sets of Constructicon-types around here who would be happy to take a look at you, and at least one Combaticon who would be happy to sell your parts after the Constructicon-types were finished with you.

Q: To Vector Prime,
Why are we condemned to indignity?
- Ultra Magnus & Cyclonus, G1
A: Ultra Magnus, all your woes can be traced directly to the fact that you once admitted you cannot be in three places at once and solve everyone's problems for them. Cyclonus ... I think it's the ears.