Will Hasbro ever update again? There are things even my magic eight-ball doesn't know.

Q: I've been a Transformers fan ever since I wound up getting a Powermaster Prime instead of a Voltron for my 8th birthday. However, my girlfriend always falls asleep ( or a similar state of stupor ) when I talk about / watch episodes of / drool over toys of Transformers. What shall I do?
D'you think making her read through all the Insecticomics ever made to date would help get her interested? Or reduce her brains to mush? Mind you, reading that "My Little Beast Wars" Christmas Special comic did make her mutter "That is so wrong"...
I turn to your wisdom, O Angular One of Angles ...
A: Probably the most important thing is not to push the issue. One of the worst things anyone can do is go on too long about something that bores their significant other - at best they're bored and at worst they'll take it as a signal that you don't care about their interests. I know and you know that isn't intended - you're just trying to share something you enjoy. At most, an attempt to win a new fan should involve maybe three good episodes or comics or one really good fanfic - ones that you think she would like best, not your personal favourites. If that doesn't work, try to keep the robot talk to a minimum, unless she's always going on about something you find boring. Then you're allowed to bore her back.

The Insecticomics won't work. My Little Beast Wars are higher quality overall. If "And Primus bless us, every one ... except Nightflight," doesn't win someone, Insecticons in dresses probably won't either.

The important thing is that you have some common ground somewhere, even if it isn't a shared love of Transformers.

Q: I think you need more Iron Questions! So here we go.
1) I have a portal to the planet of Openly Minded Supermodels. What will you do for it?
2) I also have your coffee. How much you willing to pay to get it back?
3) You sure I can't be your Minicon? I can have Safeguard on the first ship back to Unicron or your butt or wherever he comes from first thing in the morning.
A: 1) I don't need it - I make the portals for the Autobots. Perhaps they would like it - their space-bridge service is sporadic at best.

2) I never drink ... coffee. This is about the picture with the Vok, isn't it? No one stole anyone's coffee, I just don't like Vok and they don't like me.

3) I like Safeguard. I'm keeping Safeguard. There are no Minicon positions open on me. And what is it with humans and my posterior? First Bud, now you.

Q: Seeing as how you are the guardian of time, have you ever once encountered the Vok? And if so, what happened? If this question has been asked before, please obliterate my question and cease to acknowledge that it ever existed.
A: I encounter the Vok every so often, as on the surface we both have more or less the same job. Both of us know how a timeline should be and we can sense distortions in space-time, but they do not have my ability to fix such errors. We do not get along, mostly because while the Vok seek to prevent damage to the timestream by other people, they see nothing wrong with going into a universe and adding themselves to history or altering things to suit their whims. They rather remind me of bad fanfiction writers. You know, the ones that insist on being called 'authoress' and remove all threats so we can get on with the all-important task of getting married and having families.

Q: Oh great master of time, I beseach thee, why, oh why don't your forearms rotate on the vertical axis? I am frustrated to no end that you can't be posed with your hands on your hips, or with both hands clutching your planet key while saying, "Open, dammit, OPEN!"
A: That is the fault of the toy designers, who otherwise did a nice job. It just never occurred to them how embarrassing it would be to need to ask Safeguard for help whenever my nose itches.

Q: What was the worst thing the Insecticons did to you? And what was the worst thing you did to the Insecticons?
A: The worst thing the Insecticons ever did to me was decide that I was a challenge - having both teleportation and chronoportation powers makes me one of the few people who can stay ahead of them. The worst thing I ever did to them was take them up on it.

Q: Why must Megatron always turn into Galvatron and then back?
A: You're going to make me say it again, aren't you? I'll just make something up this time: sometimes when people get serious upgrades, they feel the need to change their name as well - such as Overhaul calling himself Leobreaker. Granted, all Megatron does is change his paintjob and gain superpowers generally, but he likes to draw attention to himself, so he changes his name as well. He also enjoys the first few days after that as his subordinates try to remember what he's calling himself now.